Thursday, April 10, 2014

Truly, Mykal Lakim Has Gone Bizarro World

Yep, apparently after a long hiatus the crazy was just too much to not let out, and Mr. Mikal Lakym had to open the floodgates.

In a Google+ post, he lamented about Onyx Path was using the term "wolf-blooded" and maybe some other vague concepts that he thought up all by his lonesome in their new Werewolf book.

It starts as a half-assed, passive-aggressive swipe against Onyx Path, turns into a full on accusation against one of the developers, panic-moonwalks into vague legal gesticulating, then veers into whinging about biased commenters and reviews.

The self-reinforcing loop that these conversations always follow looks something like this:
  1. Complain about how unfair everyone is/accuse someone from Onyx Path of stealing his ideas
  2. Refuse to corroborate complaint with evidence/become more obtuse as the conversation continues
  3. Try to set up (what he thinks are) clever verbal traps that have the complexity of "Homo say what?" jokes
  4. Get upset when people fail to fall for it/say, "Ha! You said homo!"
  5. Accuse people of not being professional
  6. Resort to grumbling about it in a followup post
Because, you know, he never copied anything werewolf related. All original here!
If I thought that this would actually go anywhere, I'd order a shipping container of popcorn as long as someone else started the bonfire. But it won't. There's not a shred of evidence, whatsoever, that White Wolf or Onyx Path has ever "stolen" any of his "ideas". Not to mention, when he gets called out on demonstrably using someone else's stuff, it's totes different because he changed the spelling, but when he thinks someone else has done it it's the end of the fucking world and time to unleash the lawyers.  I mean, "wolfblood" is used in a handful of other properties ranging from Elfquest to an actual 2012 television series of that name. And, of course, there's the question as to why a company with a metric fuckton of creative talent working for it would resort to stealing ideas from a two-bit, self-delusional hack like Lakim. I mean, if he were that good they'd probably just hire him and be done with it.

Of course, that won't happen because he's already said he won't "work with" anybody who has anything to do with Onyx Path. Which apparently includes people who just talk about their games. Or have worked for Onyx Path/White Wolf, or have had anything to do with anything either one has touched. This rules out pretty much everyone, except maybe some old OSR grognards that stopped buying roleplaying products in 1988. I wonder if he has to screen people before he deals with them.

It probably looks something like this, just replace "shop" with "work" and add Onyx Path to the list
Unless he means he'll "never work with" certain people in a perjorative sense, as in being stubbornly obtuse and unwilling to actually engage anyone in useful conversation. In that light, it makes perfect sense.

Just imagine though, for a minute, if he actually would work with us in being truly mockworthy. Honestly, lately he's been offering up pretty half-assed fare like sock-puppet reviews and deigning to pass along "I heard from a girlfriend that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend I had in February of last year"-style praise for his games. I mean, anything...an actual lawsuit, a full-on rageflip blowout, a campaign to try to take on the gaming industry and set the record straight. It would be pure comedy gold. It's not likely to happen though - all I think we can bank on is more denunciations that people are biased, unprofessional, a troll, or smell funny.

But, of course, we're all just haters and we're jealous. An entire industry aligned against him, because his ideas are just that good. So, before I close this post out I'll just address one more thing he seems to have missed the telegram on, regarding his comment that the RPG.Net review was written only to mercilessly mock Vampire: Undeath:
THE RPG.NET REVIEW WAS WRITTEN TO MERCILESSLY MOCK VAMPIRE: UNDEATH.  STOP.  ESPECIALLY VAMPIRES.  STOP.  PLEASE . . . STOP.
Finally, I have screencapped the conversation (so far) in case it gets memory-holed. It is everything you hoped it could be.