Thursday, January 30, 2014

A Uniquely Honored And Grandly Distinct Review of Awesome Grandeur

There comes a time in everyone's life, when all of the parties every night they're not enough. You want something more. You want...

John Mascola? (My apologies to the Pet Shop Boys)

Apparently if you want someone to throw around a lot of words like "grand", "grandeur", "unique", and "awesome" in a review, he's your guy. Because lately he's been the one trotted out by Dark Phoenix Publishing to give glowing words of completely unbiased praise for the new products they're working on. No, seriously, he's not connected with Dark Phoenix Publishing at all. He's never been involved with the company in any capacity.

Nope, no John Mascola here.

Which reminds me, I still haven't shown you this pinnacle of unique and grand critical analysis of such an awesome book. Well, here you go:

So there you have it. A complete review about vampires that are completely not like Gangrel.

Yes smart-ass, I know it's a real, but obscure and not likely to be known by anybody who hasn't read VtM, word.

I think Ebert should definitely give this guy a call. Mascola accomplishes using the word unique twice in the same sentence, and extols us to buy the book twice. With that kind of ringing endorsement, who wouldn't want to pick it up? Plus, it's obvious that this new way of reviewing - where you don't actually reveal what is in the product - is superior to any other method. Just tell potential customers to buy it so they too can bask in the grandness that the reviewer has experienced!